I announced on the Facebook page that I was making treats for Lana’s birthday and Valentine’s Day. What I didn’t admit, however, is that I am an awful baker. Just the worst.
I made a couple of recipes of dog treats. Somehow I managed to murder them both. So then I combined them. They look pretty decent I guess. I tried them and honestly would not eat them myself, but dog treats are almost always more dry than human treats. And the two major problems with my treats were that they were dry and not sweet enough. For me, at least.
Good news? It didn’t slow the girls down. They love being my taste testers, and they’re much more encouraging than I am, so I love having them.
I made peanut butter and oat treats (with hidden Parsley for good breath) and topped about half of them with a strawberry banana smoothie “icing” to make them pink. Because Valentine’s Day, not because I’m obsessed with pink. Honestly!
So, while rocking out to Fall Out Boy on Pandora and constantly ‘shush’ing Lana while she guarded the house against a troll-squirrel invasion, I made these b-e-a-ewwwwtiful cookies. And just what did I do with them? Some went to Lana and Desi, and some are headed to the neighbor’s house.
I’ll give you the recipe (and the person I assume to be it’s creator), and then I’ll tell you just how I ruined them so you don’t do it, too. Mkay?
Treat name: Kiss Me Cookies! Source: Turtlewoman on Hubpages <That link also has 9 other recipes by her. I recommend you go check them out!
- 2 cups whole wheat flour
- 1 cup rolled oats
- 1 tablespoon dried parsley flakes (or 2 tbl fresh chopped parsley)
- 2 large eggs
- 1/2 cup water (+2 more tablespoons if dough is too dry)
- 1/2 cup non-fat dry milk
- 1 cup peanut butterInstructions:
- Preheat oven to 300° F.
- In a large bowl, whisk together all the dry ingredients. In a smaller bowl, beat the eggs lightly. Add water and peanut butter. Gently combine the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients.
- Knead with your hands until you have a smooth ball of dough. Sometimes I use my Kitchen Aid mixer for faster results.
- Take a rolling pin and flatten out the dough. Use a cookie cutter to cut out fun shapes. If you’re feeling lazy, just leave the dough as is, and bake it like one whole cookie. You can always break them up after they’re cooked.
- Make sure you’re using a non-stick baking sheet or spray it with PAM.
- Bake for 30 minutes, or until golden. If you want the dog treats to be softer, take them out 10 minutes earlier.
*If you want a “shinier look,” you can also brush a thin coat of egg whites on the cookies before baking them.
Lana: Why can’t you just follow directions, Mom?
Me: BECAUSE I LIKE TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!! And because I remember that cooking is an art but often forget it is also a science. Science is not my strong point.
So here’s what I did. I replaced the dry milk with soy milk. I then panicked about the liquid to dry ratio and didn’t add the right amount of water. I did kind of fix myself by just adding whole wheat flour until the texture seemed right. That was my only save…
Also, my family doesn’t believe in rolling pins. And, since we’re in the process of moving, we’ve managed to misplace our cookie cutters. What’s a girl to do? Use a glass as a roller and a shot glass as a cookie cutter.
Before baking, they looked about right.
So I baked them and they turned out okay. I didn’t have a pastry brush so I brushed egg white on with my fingers. Didn’t work. Don’t bother wasting an egg. Finger painting doesn’t work in this one instance. And only this instance.
Despite not being shiny, the girls loved them, which is what matters. But dangit I wanted pink! So I whipped up a mix of a banana, some strawberries, and some soy milk. I was damned determined to finish my carton. Unfortunately, you’re dealing with a girl who cannot remember two days ago to save her life, so I don’t know the measurements. And, to be honest, I don’t remember if I ended up adding flour to thicken it. I think I did. All I know is that it ended up being a smoothie kind of texture and it was pink.
I’m so sorry. But you know what? It was kind of a disaster, so I don’t recommend it anyway! They didn’t even stay pink after baking.
What can you, reader, take away from this? Even if you’re a terrible chef, a messy person, an idiot, a shopaholic, or whatever flaw you have, your dog loves you. Your furry Valentine will take whatever ugly treats you have to offer and act like it’s the best thing they’ve ever eaten.
And I can promise you: next time I post a recipe, I will actually follow it so you get a realistic idea of how it ends. There was one I made years ago that was so good I literally licked the bowl. That will make up for this disaster! =)
Happy Valentine’s Day! Give your furry (and/or human) Valentine a big hug and enjoy the holiday. The best way to do that? Buy all the leftover decorations and candy when it’s on clearance tomorrow!