Letters From Lana

Dear readers,

It’s me, Lana! You know, the star of Dream Big, Bark Loudly! Momma’s mad at me, so she said she didn’t want to blog about me today. Which really, I should be mad at her! So I’m going to just write today’s blog post myself.

Momma writes at a desk, but I'm smart. I write where I can watch the porch-lizards.

Momma writes at a desk, but I’m smart. I write where I can watch the porch-lizards.

Last night, Nana (momma’s momma) accidentally dropped a pill. Naturally, since I like to be helpful, I ate it for her. I think momma turned about as white as me. Papa asked why I won’t eat my heartworm pill, but I’ll eat Nana’s pills.

Duh. Because it was pink! (Just kidding, I don’t know what “pink” is, but momma insists it’s my favorite color.) I’ll admit it. I didn’t mean to eat medicine. It just looked like a crumb.

So after eating a gross crumb, I thought surely I’d paid enough for my ‘gluttony’, as momma calls it. I was wrong. It got worse. Momma and my grandparents spent a while trying to figure out which pill was missing. They decided it was a blood pressure/diuretic. Mom didn’t think it was very funny that her “incontinent dog” ate a “diuretic” pill. But I don’t know what either of those things are. I assume by ‘incontinent’ she meant ‘incredible’ and by ‘diuretic’ she meant ‘the world’s most disappointing food crumb’. Don’t be too hard on her – she hasn’t used big words in a long time.

That's because she spends more time on Pinterest than on WordPress.

That’s because she spends more time on Pinterest than on WordPress.

Anyway, she claimed she thought I’d be okay, but took me outside with a cup of some clear, bubbly liquid. She shot some of it down my throat with a syringe. Then she walked me around and rubbed my belly, complaining that something was taking too long.

She complains about stuff a lot, so I didn’t pay too much attention. Plus I got distracted by a big frog, so I wasn’t listening to exactly what was taking so long. My tummy hurt a little, but I didn’t throw up then. Momma always says “mind over matter”! Except last night. Last night she just complained that the liquid was too old and said she’d buy more soon.

In the middle of the night, my tummy started to hurt worse and I did end up puking on mom’s carpet. Oh and I peed on it early in the morning. Like, the moon was still out. Momma looked tired, (she’s scary in the morning) but she took me outside to pee again and then cleaned the floor before she went back to bed. I felt really bad, but she didn’t yell at me.

Too bad we're both tired today. It's weird, the grumpy old lady is more peppy than we are.

Too bad we’re both tired today. It’s weird, the grumpy old lady is more peppy than we are.

So, anyway, she didn’t feel much like writing today, so I gave it a shot. I gotta say, I think I’m pretty good. For a dog. (I think it helps that mom talks to me like a person.)

Anyway, I know most people do a Word-less Wednesday, but since this is the first time I got to write, I decided Wordy Wednesday was more fun. Mom says it’s Thursday now. She got mad because ‘some idiot wasn’t paying attention on the road’ and knocked out mom’s ‘link to the outside world’. She just kept mumbling no internet, no cable, nothing to do. Don’t worry, I entertained her until bed time. So much fetching!

Anyway, today momma’s happy again, so I guess I can post this now. It’s been fun! Maybe I’ll take over the blog more often!

Maybe I'll just make this my office.

Maybe I’ll just make this my office.

Love, Lana

10 thoughts on “Letters From Lana

  1. Lana, you did good for your first time and you know momma still loves you! We miss seeing you both in Tallahassee!

  2. Oh Lana! I do hope your momma let’s you write more posts! And your tummy stays better. AND if you could send your momma to visit, that would be great too, because I miss her (and you!) an awful lot!

    • I think she will let me! 😉 And so far so good on my tummy, thank you. We miss you too! She’ll have to find a time to come visit, and of course she says you’re welcome to come to Disney, too. (Even though I can’t come!)

  3. Lana, I’m going to squeeze you so tight that your eyes pop out! Love you like my own, and when your mum comes back to town, have her message me. Oh, and Circus read along with me and he misses that cute little face of yours. I think your post made his day!

    • Haha that’s terrifyingly nice. ;P She will be coming to Tallahassee on August 2nd. She planned to stop by the office and chat. But I can’t come. =(
      And we miss you! Of course I miss Circus, too. Give him a kiss for me, pwease!

  4. Ohhh, Lana – we all forgive you. The next time you decide to eat a gross crumb, ask your mom to give you a tablespoon (or 2) full of hydrogen peroxide – within 15-20 minutes, you’ll empty out your tummy. You won’t feel great for about 30 minutes after, but then you’ll bounce right back, the pill will be out of your system, and then everyone will be back to their proper color 🙂

    We do this with our dog Rodrigo when he swallows a squeaker. He had 5 or 6 in his belly once. Yikes! He’s 80 pounds and requires 2 tablespoons to get the job done.

    • Great advice, thank you! I’m sure we’ll use it, as I’ve been known to eat all sorts of stuff I “shouldn’t” (so says momma).
      And oh my gosh, I get eating one squeaker (I’ve totally done that), but after one or two, you’d think he’d have thought ‘wow this doesn’t really taste good, maybe I should stop’. Haha was a goof! I’m glad he feels better. We’ll try that next time. =)

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